Yesterday was my sisters' wedding. It was awesome. She was beautiful, and he looked quite handsome. They were both glowing! I have pictures, so if anyone is interested, let me know.
I really don't have much to say .. I mean, I know I have a lot to say, but it's too much to write.
Do you ever notice that the more you think about something the more complex it gets? It’s so annoying! And not to mention the fact that I’m totally stressed out because of my sisters’ wedding, but that will be done on Saturday. I’m all kinds of excited cause my relatives are coming into town from Pa. It’s my grandmother, 2 of my aunts, and 3 of my cousins (sweet! They’re all 21!). The rest of my relatives are showing up tomorrow and Friday. I can’t wait. I love seeing family. I’m a big family person. It’s really important to me having a strong family bond, especially with your immediate family (mom/dad/brothers/sisters).
I create strong bonds with all of my friends, and most people I come into contact with. I’m really close with my friends and even closer with those that I love (only a select few, of course). Relationships with those around you help you grow into a strong person, with different values and perspectives on life. I like getting other peoples’ input on every aspect of life. I don’t like people who are narrow minded, so I try not to be either.
Of course, I am stuck in my ways, but I’m trying to change that. I think I’ve done rather well with that. I’ve become more positive and optimistic. I’m still working on being too judgmental, at least outward. What most people don’t understand is that just because I comment on people, or activities doesn’t mean that I am going to be closed minded to meeting them or trying something new. I’m all about trying new things. I don’t like saying no to something because I want to grow and become a well-rounded person.
For the most part, I like me. Sure there are some things I’d like to change, but I just have to get the motivation to do so. Most of them are on the outside, like get into shape, or eat healthier. Personality wise, I think I’m a pretty awesome person. I may be moody sometimes, but all in all I’m pretty intelligent, I can be funny (at times), I’m sympathetic and kind, friendly, easy-going, and I always try to get along with everyone. If someone doesn’t like me, I try to appease them, and if that still doesn’t work, then there’s nothing else I can do. Can’t please everyone all the time, right?
Now, I’m not trying to toot my own horn, but I think I’m a pretty good person. I haven’t had any complaints (at least to my face) yet.
Heh, I write too much sometimes. But hey, this is my ranting and raving! It helps me get thoughts off my mind. It’s a lot easier than talking to someone (yea I know I get way too emotional sometimes.
This was an awesome weekend! Saturday I helped out my sister make some gift baskets for her wedding (OMG it’s already Saturday!), and then went to see Star Wars: Episode 3 with a bunch of my gaming friends. It was a blast! The movie was awesome and it’s always nice to see those guys.
After I got home from the movie, I decided to call Ken and see what he was up to, cause, well, I’m always up for seeing him. A couple people were just chilling over at his place talking and listening to music, so he said come on over. I wasn’t about to pass this up, so I got my make-up bag and headed over.
Nicole, Adam, Jason, Mike (Ken’s new roommate) and his girl Jenny were all there sitting around drinking. There’s nothing better than a few close friends hanging out. Seriously. It’s relaxing.
So after about 2am, Adam, Nicole and Jason left to go home and it was basically just Mike, Ken and I sitting out in the living room. I hate assuming that I can stay the night, but I do, just cause I always have. I don’t like to impose, but I feel that I always do. I just hope that no one else feels that way. So I end up staying the night, which I totally love the cuddle time. I mean, what could be better than falling asleep with the one that you love holding you? I’m sure there are maybe a couple, but it all depends on who you ask.
Even better, we end up spending all of Sunday together. It’s like heaven to me. We watched a couple movies: Dune, End of Days, and the end of Star Wars: Episode 2 that was on TV. I made lunch, and he made dinner. It was really nice to just have a lazy Sunday. I haven’t had one of those in like forever! Especially spending one with Ken.
But have you ever wished that you could read someone’s mind. Really know what they were thinking, or what they were feeling. I do, but I don’t. I do because I’d rather know how someone feels, and what their expectations or intentions are, than being strung along just getting set up for being hurt again. But then again, I don’t because I don’t really want to hear anything other than what I want to hear. If the person you want doesn’t really want you. I’m trying to decide whether I’d rather be living in the moment and happy now no matter what the outcome is, or if I should just give it up because it might not work out. I have learned to grow and be optimistic about so much, but how are you supposed to know when even the optimism won’t save anything.
I don’t like giving up on things that I believe in, or things that I think I can fix, but I don’t know if "fixing" things is the solution. I guess only time will tell, and until that time, I am going to revel in the happiness I have for the time being.
Since I started working on the new system at work about 2 days ago, I think I've actually worked on the application for like a total of 8 hours. It keeps having major issues that keep people from working on it. So I've been reading up on www.Penny-Arcade.com. They have really funny gamer comics on there.
Other than .. well .. okay .. I guess nothing else is really new. I suppose my life is just in a nice calm right now. I'm going to enjoy it while I can, cause I know it's not gonna last long!
Yesterday I went with Andrea to the Community College to get our ID’s and Parking stickers. It was interesting. I’ve never been there before, and it’s not so big so I don’t think that I’ll get lost. I also picked up 2 books .. $140 later (damn!). But it doesn’t matter cause I am really excited about starting! I’m going to start reading through the Int Des and Java books to see what the deal is. Andrea was too funny taking pictures. And the guy there was so totally flirting! (either that or he was laughing at the fact I was wearing pig-tails .. not too sure) Then Andrea had some errands to run so I just kind of tagged along. We went to the car wash and an ext wash was only $3. That’s pretty cheap and it cleaned really well. A lot better than those ones at the gas stations.
I’m kind of liking the fact that I don’t have anything to bitch about right now. My posts are a lot shorter and I don’t feel as aggravated and stressed. I’m happy!
Oh and so since I’ve been doing so well at work, like showing up on time and working hard (kind of), my boss said I can work OT. They have a lot of backed up work and they need it done, so I’m gonna be working OT so I can get some extra cash and stuff. I need to start paying off my credit card. Too much shopping lol.
So .. back to work!
na na na na na na ... "
Man I love Gwen.
Nothing much is new .. but I felt the need to still write something.
At work I've been helping to process AP invoices on a different system .. it's been kinda cool. It's the system I'll be eventually working on when they convert the system I work on. It's much easier to use, except right now it's slow as hell cause of people working on it and how many invoices are on the system (20,000+ and thats a lot).
For some reason, things have been going really well and I've been so optimistic lately. I'm not sure why, but I like it! Work isn't as horrible as I thought. I mean, going to work every day really sucks, but it's a part of life. Some switch inside of me flipped and I feel so .. peaceful and calm.
So Star Wars is coming out next week. I'm really excited about going. A whole bunch of my gamer friends are going the weekend after it comes out, so I'll probably go with them, unless someone else asks me to go instead. Or hell, we can all go together! It should be a good time, and hey, I like Star Wars!
Another thing I've been enjoying is going tanning. At first it kind of sucked cause I burned a bit, but it wasn't unbareable. So I think I should be good to go for longer. I'm going to go after work today, and try to get in there before Sunday a couple more times because that's when my unlimited tanning for 2-weeks ends. I might get another one, depending on how the tan looks.
I think going tanning has kind of boosted my self-esteem a bit. It makes me feel better about how I look, and aside from maybe loosing a few pounds, I'm really happy about how I look. The next thing I'm going to look into doing something with is my hair, but that will have to wait till after my sisters' wedding.
Anyways, I should get back to work.
So my weekend went really well. Friday night I stayed over at Ken’s, and I’m still really confused as to what’s going on with him. He can’t seem to make up his mind. Saturday I went scrapbooking with my two roommates, which was a ton of fun. I love making memories and preserving them! Sunday, Mother’s Day, I went over to my parents’ house. That was nice. We ordered Chinese food, and had cheesecake for dessert (mmm, cheesecake). We also celebrated my sisters’ and my future brother-in-law’s birthdays, since they’re both in May. Family is nice, but only for short amounts of time. 4 hours is definitely enough of time!
I really don’t have much else to write about, so I’ll leave it at that. Short and simple.
I think the thing that's bugging me the most in my life right now is my job, or work in general. Now not many people actually like, let alone love, their job. I don't like using hate since it's a very strong emotion, so I'll just say I really dislike my job. For the time being, it's paying bills, so I'm dealing with it. I'm in the process of trying to find a new one, but, of course, the job market out here sucks big time.
The one thing I've been trying to figure out is whether it's the jobs I get or just upper management in general that I can't deal with. Upper management also being anyone with a certain amount of power: teachers, parents, bosses, etc. I don't know if I can't deal with people with that power, or if it's just the environment that I work.
I haven't had a job for more than a year, give or take a few months. Well, that is, other than my first job which was a joke. It was very simple, I was working p/t and with a bunch of people I went to HS with. And my bosses didn't really give a shit about anything. With that in mind, my thoughts have been torn between the cause of either not finding a job I really enjoy or issues with upper management. It could be a little of both, but I have had jobs that I have enjoyed, mostly because my bosses were cool. But that 'liked' job was only one other time, and the only reason I left that job was because I moved from NY to AZ.
Another big thing about how much I like a job is the people I work with. Where I work now, I basically keep to myself. If I talk to one of the people in my dept. I feel like an outsider. A few of the people around me have all gone to HS together, and they're all about 3 yrs younger than I am. So they're kind of clique-y. I don't like that. So I tend to stay away from them. I don't think I come off as snotty or stuck-up, but I don't know. I talk to people when they talk to me, and we have nice conversations, but I've never actually 'hung out' with anyone here. I usually just keep to myself, try to keep my concentration on getting my work done, no matter how boring it is.
I know that eventually I'm going to find a place I really enjoy, though it might not be till after I graduate and get myself started on my career, but even that's not guaranteed. I suppose I'll just try to stay positive in this whole situation. I'm sure something good will come out of it!
Topic #1:
I don’t like debates. I get flustered quite easily trying to prove my point. So, I tend not to argue with people about things like religion, politics, guns, or basically any hot button issue. I have my own views that are weighted by other people opinions. I don’t take sides between conservative or liberal. I take in both arguments and make note of the topics I agree with. I like being somewhere in the middle with my views. I like being open about different perspectives.
Topic #2:
I know I come off sometimes as judgmental about people, but I will always give them a chance to speak their mind. I make comments on how people act or dress because it is usually out of the norm. Basically, the way I see it is, they’re getting the reaction they were looking for. Mostly it’s younger people who I comment on, but I’m sure when I was in HS people commented on the way I dressed, or looked, or acted when I was around my friends. But I have grown up since then, so when I see how High School students’ wardrobes have evolved, I can’t help but think to myself (and sometimes aloud), "What the hell are they thinking?" I really try not to judge people on how they look, but on how their mind works. Once I get to know people, whether it’s for 5 minutes, 5 months or 5 years, then I will decide how I feel about them. And hopefully it doesn’t take 5 years before I know someone.
I’m so excited. I finally made up my schedule for the Summer I and Fall sessions at the community college. I’m going to be taking a Summer II class as well, but I haven’t registered for it yet. Anywho, for those who are interested my schedule is as follows:
Summer I –
INT105 – Introduction To Interior Design – M W – 07:10PM
CIS163AA – Java Programming – Tu Th – 06:00PM
Fall –
CIS120DF – Macromedia Flash Player – M – 05:20PM
CIS120DC – Adobe Photoshop – T – 07:10PM
I’ll keep this updated if I add more classes. I can’t wait for the summer!
...but forever never seems to be around when it ends"
So, why, when you finally achieve some sort of happiness in your life, does something always happen to take it away? I’m not too sure just yet. I am a strong believer in "Everything happens for a reason," but it still doesn’t make situations any better.
I’m not saying that having a boyfriend is the happiest part of my life, but it is a large part. He’s the one person I know I can talk to, or see, when I’ve had a bad day, or when I’m not in a good mood, and he can make everything better, just with a smile or a hug.
The way I love isn’t unlike a lot of people I know. I don’t half-ass love. When I find someone, I jump right in. I’ve found that’s the only way to do it. For me, it’s all or nothing. I think that scares people. I’m not saying that every guy I date or up in a relationship with I want to marry, but when I fall in love, I fall hard. I wouldn’t have it any other way, but when that love ends, I fall just as hard out of love as I do in.
On another note, kind of, I went tanning yesterday before I went to my sister’s for my dad’s birthday. Wow, yea, I’m red. My backside is mostly red, the rest of me is still sensitive. So, sitting all day at work kind of really sucks. Not to mention (again) I hate my job to begin with.
All in all yesterday was okay. My sister and her fiancée are the only ones who know about the breakup. I really want things to work out between us, and if were up to me I wouldn’t be where I am now. Unfortunately, I don’t have a choice. I’m putting off telling my parents. I don’t know if that’s a good idea or not.
So, my sister’s new project is to find me a nice guy. She's going to take me to get a manicure, go tanning and hit the "high class" bars and such. The thing is, I’m not the kind of person who is attracted to guys just because they have money. I like guys with personality, ambition, and drive. Guys who work hard for everything they have, even if it’s not much. Sure dating a guy with money is nice and all, but I’ve realized that material things aren’t the important things in life or relationships. Now, don't get me wrong, she's not all into that either. She just wants to see me happy, and doesn't want me to deal with the type of guys at the bars we usually go to. Not that they're bad .. just not always the best type of guys hanging around.
Either way, this should be interesting.
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