Lack of sleep

I was up all night, tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep. I have this bad habit of watching the clock when I can't fall asleep. I know I'm not the only one. And no, I wasn't mad at you. I was more mad at myself for not saying anything. Don't get me wrong, I was upset and frustrated, but it isn't your fault. The problem was that every thought imaginable was running through my head, some serious and some totally random. It was the more serious thoughts that were really keeping me up. It was school, work, money, life and my future. All of these things that coincide with one another.

I was wondering how many people think I am a failure. I feel like there are many things that I do that I don't follow through with. In my mind, this makes me a failure. I've tried and tried to go back to school, mostly because that is what people expect. I don't think most people expect this of me in particular. This is a more "in general" kind of thought. Having a bachelors degree will get you far in life. But thinking last night helped me come up with good reasons, possibly excuses, as to why school isn't for me, at least right now.

There are a lot of people my age who have experienced so much more than I have at this point in life. I also realize there are people who have experienced less. I find myself in and around the lower ranks, meaning that I haven't experienced enough yet. I have no deisres as of now to move on in my career. I don't feel like I have had the life experiences in different positions to know whether or not I really want to become a manager. I mean, that is what my degree is right now - Bachelors of Science in Management. So, I have decided that, instead of wasting money (again) doing something I am not ready to do, I am going to call up my councellor and cancel the rest of my classes.

I do have to say I really like my job, a lot. I enjoy doing something that is different than my last job, and I know I will get a lot of experience out of this. I think that this, where I am now, will help me decide a lot about my future. I don't think it will happen anytime soon, but I know that after some time, I will know.

Money has been the topic of conversation this weekend. Ken made me realize that some of my past decisions about money are really going to hurt my future. I am very scared about that. I didn't really thing about the consequesnces of my actions previously, but I know now that I really need to clean up my act. I don't have a choice. Ok, I do, but this is what I NEED to do. I have to get a copy of my credit report and start from there. I will make a budget and not spend money I don't have to. This is the most important thing that was weighing on my mind.

I do think that, for the most part, my life is pretty good. I have parents that love me, a really awesome sister, the most perfect boyfriend, great friends who are there for me, a good job, a roof over my head, a nice car to drive, etc etc etc. I really can't complain. I do, but it's always about the little things. I suppose it's not all that bad then. Complaining about little things means that I don't have any of the big stuff to sweat. That is good! I am going to start going back to the gym and eating healthier. I know, I say that all the time, but this time I hopefully mean it! I have cancelled my membership at L.A. Fitness so I can get one at Pure Fitness because it is around the corner from the condo and becuase it is on my way home from work.

The biggest thing that is scaring me right now is the future. I am very excited for what will be, but I am so nervous that things aren't going to turn out how they are in my head. Of course nothing is going to be perfect and I know things are going to be tough, and I am as prepared for that as I can be. I know that I have less than stellar credit right now, and that scares me because I want to be able to get what I want. I will basically do whatever I can, now, to make that better. I want to get into shape because it will help me get on a routine to stay that way. I am fortunate to have the job I have now because I will be able to pay off my debt faster and start saving (more) sooner. It's a good thing that Ken and I have an account that I can put in money every month, which is my "rent", and not have access to it. I probably would end up spending it. I like being able to buy myself things that I want. It makes me feel good. But I realize that I should only be buying things that I NEED, not what I WANT.

Done and done.

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My Goals:
* Get Credit report and cancel credit cards
* Go grocery shopping for HEALTHY foods
* Get membership to Pure Fitness
* Down with spending, up with saving
* Get more sleep :)

Poker and movies at work

So, it's Friday. Today is going to be fun. It is our [KBHome] Quarterly Outing!!! Ok, so we're not actually leaving the building, but we only have to work 1/2 day! We had a choice of a few games and/or movies to choose from. I decided on Texas Hold'em and watching The Longest Yard, with Adam Sandler. It should be fun, and plus, I only work 1/2 a day.

Then, later tonight I'll be going with the guys to P.F. Chang's for dinner. MMmmmm .. Lettuce wraps =)~




This weekends isn't going to be any different than other weekends. Nothing planned, nothing to do. Although it was brought up to have a BBQ at the guys' apartment pool. So, if that ends up happening, I am SO down!

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Oh and this morning as I was walking out to my car, I noticed that, in the tree right ouside the porch, there were baby birds in a nest!! It is so cute! I tried to get a picture with my camera phone, so it looks really crappy, but here it is anyways.

Another day .. another dollar

Yeah ... so I think I might be done with school. There are a couple issues that I don't think I will get past. One issue, the big one, is money. The class after next I will have to pay a majority of it out of pocket. I don't have the extra money to do that!! The other thing is that I am having a really tough time relating to the topics being discussed. Everyone else in the class has either been around long enough to understand management positions or is in a management position. I have no idea what is going on!!

I have no desire to do anything with school. The only other option is to look into ASU again. I work closer to ASU now, so if I can get some night classes, that might work out. And I will only have to go one or two nights a week. I'll have to see about how much and what there is to offer.

::sigh::

Other than school, work is good. Ken is the best ever. I love it when he takes care of me. I have this allergic reaction to something where I am super itchy. He went and got me benadryl and made dinner. I love him so much!

I love my job

I enjoy going to work every day now. The days fly by and before I know it, it's time to go home! I don't even mind the traffic. I can't complain about a 30 minute commute. It's only 15 minutes more than my last commute.

I'm still close enough to go to lunch with mom too. I like that. There are a couple places to eat nearby here too - Taco Bell, Applebees, Quiznos, IHOP :)

I feel better going home every day knowing that I have been more productive than in my last job.

I do miss the people I worked with though. They were awesome, and closer to my age than the people here. I should meet them all for lunch or something. Or an after work activity. Like a happy hour or something.

:)

Ugh .. Rain!

This was the scene on my way driving home yesterday. It was raining pretty hard. The traffic was pretty decent considering no one in Arizona knows how to drive in the rain. It was interesting to see the way the rain clouds just kinda stopped. After the clouds stopped there was blue skies. I was driving home thinking, "I want to be there!" Meaning I wanted to be where the blue skies were :)

Today seems nicer, but the rain usually doesn't start until around 5pm, when I leave work. We'll see.

It's only Tuesday ... ugh.

Work is busy though and the day is 1/2 over already.

I didn't do my homework last night like I was supposed to. I hate writing papers. I played WoW instead. I was up till after 12:30. I am tired.

I need to make sure I stop off at home to get my reading stuff for school so I can read it while I am getting my pedicure with mom. Then when I get home I will have to write the paper. It's on:: Functions of Management Paper - Prepare a 700-1,050-word paper in which you define the four functions of management (planning, organizing, leading, and controlling) and explain how each function relates to your own organization.

My next paper is:: Delegation Paper - Prepare a 1,050-1,400-word paper in which you illustrate how managers in your organization delegate as part of their management responsibilities. Explain how delegation could be used more effectively in planning, organizing, leading, or controlling within your organization. Also, describe what skills are necessary for effective delegation.

I also have to cite sources and crap. School sucks. I'll take calc over english anyday.

I gotta make those steaks tonight too. They've been marinating in the fridge since Sunday. I'll have to ask someone if they are still going to be okay to eat before I cook them first. I also bought a whole lot of food from Omaha Steaks. Burgers, franks, steaks, fish, potatoes au graten and stuffed potatoes. Yummy! And we have propane again for the grill so it should be no problem.

Mmmm steak.

Stressed .. a bit

Ok, so my new job is awesome. Things get busy, but I don't mind it. It makes the day go by super fast. The people are great so far and really helpful too.

The thing I think I am stressing about is school. I guess I didn't think about it before getting into it, but all of these classes are going to basically be English classes. Meaning writing papers, siting sources, etc. I HATE English classes and writing papers. I am not good at it, and never have been. I hate the effort that I have to put into writing papers. But I guess it just has to be done. No matter what. I can't let myself down .. again. I can do it right? I just have to think positively.

If anyone is interested in helping me stay focused, I'd appreciate it. I have this thing where I'd rather be doing something fun than doing homework. Call me crazy ...

Anywho, I'm trying to get Ken to take me camping. I really want to get away again. And camping can be really relaxing.

Ugh I'm starting to get a headache. I need to get to the chirporactor!